- I think something that really isn’t spoken about when you have an eating disorder is the effect it has on not just your physical health, but your mental health, particularly mood. When I was at my lowest I was so moody, and isolated and wasn’t being a good person to the people around me. I truly think a big part of my personality and charisma was taken by my eating disorder, obviously as I recover and heal my relationship with food it comes back but when I do start slipping back into old habits I see myself becoming that person again and it’s honestly a motivator to not fall back into those habits because I don’t want to be the type of person who’s rude to the people around them.
- For signs to look in others I think chewing gum is a big one, starting to exercise a lot more, not wanting to eat in front of others etc. and a big thing for me that I still do struggle with is making decisions around food if that makes sense? Like if me and my friends are trying to decide on a place to eat I get really anxious and kind of withdrawn so that’s a big thing. I think it’s hard for the people around you to differentiate signs of an eating disorder with signs of trying to “glow up” or “have a healthier lifestyle” so I think it’s important to just be extra cautious and careful because you never know.
- When I feel myself start to slip back into old habits I try to remind myself of all my progress and all of the work I’ve done. Also a big thing that happens for me is that I’ll go down a rabbit hole of looking at my body from when I’m at my lowest and feel envious and want to start restricting again, but when that feeling arises I just try to think about the person I was in that time and how I felt and that can usually snap myself out of it. Also this sounds kind of strange but going on walks helps a lot and sort of thanking my body in a way?? Like I’ll go walks and In my head I’ll think how lucky I am that my body is able to do this because maybe if I hadn’t recovered then I wouldn’t be strong enough. Obviously these things are easier said then done and maybe they won’t make you feel better right away but over time I find it helps. We need to remember that recovery isn’t static and it’s okay to have good and bad days.
- Personally I find it really triggering when people do the classic “I haven’t eaten anything all day” or “yeah I’ve only had iced coffee” obviously they may not mean it to trigger people but because of the competitive nature of eating disorders it really does have an effect on me when I hear those things. Also, I think people just really need to get it through there heads that it’s really not okay to comment on peoples bodies, even if what you’re saying is meant to be positive. For example, growing up, people have always told me I looked strong and that has been one of my biggest insecurities and triggers. Also, even telling sometime that they look thin could cause them to Delve further into restriction/purging because they might think that “it’s working.”
- One thing I really do struggle with still is the competitive nature of eating disorders, especially in friendships. I find that most girls my age have struggled with some sort of disordered eating or body image issues and because eating disorders are inherently competitive it can spark up internal or verbal dialogues of what everyone’s eaten that day, or if you’re working out and stuff like that. I think it’s a really slippery slope because you want to be able to confide and talk with your friends but also at the same time it’s important to know that not every conversation is going to be beneficial and that’s okay. Another thing I struggle with is body checking, honestly it’s like habit at this point and I really hope I can get to a place where I can stop but it’s almost like it’s an action that’s been engraved in me for the part 3 years.