Jade

What is one thing you wish you could go back and say to yourself when you were at your lowest? 

I wish I could go back and tell myself that there is more to life than being thin. I constantly thought that if I reached a certain weight or looked a certain way I could finally be happy or have accomplished some sort of goal. But I wish I could explain to my past self that when you have an eating disorder, there will never be enough. I would never be “done”. I would never be thin enough or sick enough. I also spent a lot of time being really hopeless about the future. So I would also tell myself that I will make new amazing friends, have a summer full of incredible memories, and get my life back because of recovery. 

What is one thing you are still struggling with?

I still struggle with a lot of aspects of my eating disorder. I am in recovery, and it doesn’t consume me or take up my whole life anymore, but it still does affect me. It never magically disappeared as much as I wish it would. For me, I have months of doing amazing with eating and feeling great about my body. And I also have moments, usually when I feel out of control with my own life, where the eating disorder voice in my head returns and it becomes harder to eat. So I guess right now my biggest struggle is not returning to using starving as a coping mechanism when things get hard. 

Who was your biggest support system through your eating disorder recovery?

When my eating disorder started to get bad, I isolated myself very seriously so I didn’t allow a lot of support in my life at the time. My family was very supportive but because I isolated so much I didn’t really lean on them during that time. The person who helped me the most was definitely my therapist. My eating disorder caused me to shut down and lie a lot so for a really long time she was the only person I was honest with and really opened up to. She comforted me but also pushed me and was tough with me because she wouldn’t let me go on with my eating disorder. She really stood up for me and helped me through recovery and if it wasn’t for her I’m not sure I could have done it. 

What is one thing that is not spoken about enough about anorexia?

Some things that are not spoken enough about anorexia are how it is not always just about losing weight or looking thin. For me, that was largely how it started but starving myself became a coping mechanism and gave me a sense of control. It is a lot more than a disorder just about food and weight. Also, in the height of my eating disorder, I changed a lot as a person. I pushed people away, I was aggressive and irritable and lied a lot. I think people do not realize how ugly it can get and how much it can change someone. 

Can you describe some self-care habits that help you cope? 

One of the biggest things about anorexia is that you neglect your health and taking care of yourself — so one of my biggest shifts was not only eating more but also taking care of myself in other ways. For me, this was developing a night routine , showering more often, having a better skin care routine, keeping my room clean, going on walks, and journaling. All of these habits made a huge shift in my mood. Any acts of self care are a great start because they are a way of prioritizing yourself, especially since so much of anorexia is punishing yourself. 

What is your favorite part of your life that you got back in recovery? 

My favorite part of my life that I got back in recovery is definitely my friendships and social life. I would say one of the worst parts of my eating disorder was how much it made me isolate myself. Now, I am constantly with my friends who make me so happy. Now that I am in recovery, I can go out, eat with my friends, have sleepovers, and just let myself enjoy. I have made the best memories since no longer letting my eating disorder control my actions. 

Who keeps you inspired in recovery? 

One of my favorite tiktokers is Caroline Lusk, she is also in anorexia recovery and is a big mental health advocate, and she has kept me so inspired in recovery. The person who I would say keeps me most inspired is my one of my best friends who is also in recovery. We support each other and push each other and having someone around who always gets it is so helpful. I always remind myself of how far she has come and how proud I am of her recovery and that I should feel that same way about myself. I want to treat my body the way I want my best friend to treat hers and that keeps me inspired.  

What signs should people look for in a loved one who may be struggling with anorexia?

A lot of people think the biggest/only sign of an eating disorder is weight loss but it is much more complicated than that. I would say the biggest signs are isolation, irritability, avoidance of food, tiredness, and a disinterest in things that a person would usually enjoy. 

What do you do when you feel a relapse may be coming? 

When I feel a relapse may be coming, I make sure to be honest about it with my therapist and family. My eating disorder progressed a lot because of all my dishonesty. I also try to pinpoint why I think this may be happening — and usually there is a clear reason. I also practice the habits that helped me at the beginning of my recovery. For me, these are journaling, setting timers on my phone for meal times, and taking extra time for self care. 

How can we talk about anorexia without triggering others?

I think because anorexia can be competitive, a conversation about anorexia should be one with as little details as possible. Especially numbers. Numbers of calories you ate in a day, a weight you reached, an amount of time you went without eating, should NEVER be part of the conversation. Also photos of bodies can be very triggering. The conversation should be focused on the mental toll anorexia takes and more about how to help yourself than how sick you were. 

What kinds of dialogue do you find triggering and unhelpful for those who are recovering?

Like I said, dialogue with too detailed descriptions or pictures is very triggering and unhelpful. A conversation on recovery should not be a detailed description of the height of someone's sickness or a map of steps taken that made you sicker. When someone in recovery shares a story about something they did while struggling, a person who is still struggling may use that as a tip or something they will try themselves, which is why it is never a good idea to share too many of those details.

Saba

Something I wish I could say to myself at my lowest was that is is ok to seek out help and not be doing well, and that to remember it will all get better❤️❤️it is all a matter of time and self love. You have to remember that you are going to feel so much better when u learn to love yourself and to accept yourself and know that your looks so not define your worth.  

One thing I am still struggling with is telling myself that it is ok to look different at different times of the day and not always stay the exact same. 

My biggest support system is my sister. She would always check to see if I was ok, would accompany me in the bathroom, and cross out calories on all the boxes of food at home. I don’t think I would have recovered without her :) 

Some self care habits that helped me cope were eating yummy meals of food that I loved and tasted good. And it is ok if that food wasn’t something healthy, as long as you know that you deserve to eat it and keep it in you :) 

My favorite part of my life in recovery is not having to feel guilty after eating. It is such a big relief, especially for my anxiety, and it makes eating so much better. 

Something I do when I feel a relapse coming is talking to one of my friends about how I am feeling and letting myself know that relapsed are ok and that recovery is not linear. 

Some dialogue I find triggering is commenting on peoples bodies in a way like “OMG you’re so skinny what is your workout routine?”

Samantha

What is one thing you wish you could go back and say to yourself when you were at your lowest? 

I’d Probably tell myself that being healthy would open a lot of doors for me even though I didn’t believe it . 

What is one thing you are still struggling with?

Other people’s comments, even though I’m becoming comfortable with my body, many people still make insensitive comments about how I can change my body or even something they think is a compliment like saying “you look so skinny!”

Who was your biggest support system through your eating disorder recovery?

Probably my peer mentor because having someone who has been through the same thing and understands where you are coming from is a different kind of support than my parents, who can only sympathize.

What is one thing that is not spoken about enough about anorexia? 

That it is more than just gaining the weight and after you are physically at a healthy place, there is still a mental aspect to deal with.

Can you describe some self-care habits that help you cope? 

Taking a break and drawing helps me calm down during eating disorder meetings because it helps me not get upset. 

What is your favorite part of your life that you got back in recovery? 

Being able to do sports and enjoying it because I now don’t work out to count calories or lose weight but now I can play sports for fun.

Who keeps you inspired in recovery? 

It’s not just one person but all of my friends who want me to be the healthiest and happiest version of myself.

What signs should people look for in a loved one who may be struggling with anorexia? 

For me it was talking about weight constantly, working out everyday and asking for less and less food, especially foods lower in calories. 

What do you do when you feel a relapse may be coming? 

I go back into my notes where when I started recovery I wrote down all the things I looked forward to be able to doing once I recovered and that keeps me motivated 

How can we talk about anorexia without triggering others?

The more information on it the better but I think everyone needs to become more educated about it before ranting about their thoughts on the subject.

What kinds of dialogue do you find triggering and unhelpful for those who are recovering? 

I don’t like it when people say oh you’ve gained so much weight or you look so skinny, even though it may seem as a compliment I don’t think you should ever comment on someone’s body. I think it’s different for everyone what angers them.

Della

I wish I could tell myself that everything will be okay. There are so many people who care about you and will be there for you no matter how you feel. 

I still struggle with comparing myself to others

My biggest support system was my friends. They were extremely helpful. Having a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold makes so much difference. Their job is not to try to fix your problem, just to be there while you’re figuring it out

The thing about anorexia is that it does not look just one way. The fact that people associate anorexia with being “skinny” continues this toxic cycle.

For self care I go on walks and that has proved very helpful to me. Just to get outside, listen to music and take in my surroundings has been beyond helpful.

My favorite part of my recovery is honestly just being able to be more present in what I am doing instead of my ED being at the very forefront of my thoughts

The people who keep me inspired are my friends and peers, many of whom struggle with the same thing. Instead of feeling alone, I felt seen and understood.

Though I did not have anorexia, when I was at the worst with my ED I became very clearly distant and irritable. 

I used to try to suffocate myself with distractions. Whether it be going to a party or hanging out with friends etc. but I realized in time that that was just prolonging the problem. Instead i now just stop what I’m doing and breathe. I don’t pretend to be okay when I’m not and I have learned to be okay with the discomfort and frustration that I feel in those moments 

I think it’s difficult. I think it’s a problem that needs to be fixed from the inside. Society paints beauty in such an impossibly specific light and it is so harmful. Not only to those who do not fit the image, but puts incredible pressure on those that do. When I was at my worst, comments like “you’re beautiful” and “you look amazing” really upset me. But, I think if we make our community a place where it is more normalized to show love and appreciation for others it would make such a difference. Obviously, this is not a solution to the problem, but I think it’s a good first step. 

I find dialogues about food, specifically whether or not people eat certain meals, very triggering. It is a fact that so many people have complicated relationships with food, so to speak about it so casually was very difficult for me to hear. It was much worse when I was going through the hardest patches, but it still is unsettling now. 

Ella

        ⁃       What is one thing you wish you could go back and say to yourself when you were at your lowest?

I wish I could tell myself that things would get better and I shouldn’t feel guilty about something I can’t change without outside help. And I wish I could tell myself that admitting you need help isn’t embarrassing and that it can really help you once you come to a point where you’re ready for that help. 

        ⁃       What is one thing you are still struggling with

I’m still struggling with the other mental health issues anorexia brought me and the overwhelming feeling of guilt which has been the biggest thing I’ve tried to overcome during recovery. 

        ⁃       Who was your biggest support system through your eating disorder recovery?

My best friend. He and I went through recovery together for awhile and we would just make the most out of it and he was always there for me if I ever needed. It was really important to me to have a connection to someone who understood what I was going through mentally. 

        ⁃       Can you describe some self-care habits that help you cope?

One of my favorite self-care habits is just taking a well deserved mental health day. During the beginning of my recovery I took a lot of mental health days to give myself healing time, and time to truly just relax instead of working on homework or other miscellaneous things. 

        ⁃       What is your favorite part of your life that you got back in recovery?

My favorite part of my life I’ve gotten back in recovery is being able to go out and have fun with my friends. So often I let my ed control my life which carried over into not wanting to be social or be around people or things that were triggering at the time. And now through recovery I’ve been able to go out and not feel like something was holding me back. 

        ⁃       Who keeps you inspired in recovery?

My friends, they were there through the roughest times and I really want them to be there through all the good ones. They keep me motivated which is something I appreciate greatly. 

        ⁃       What signs should people look for in a loved one who may be struggling with anorexia?

A big sign is being really tired, avoiding places where they might have to eat or be around food, and a sign a lot of people saw in me was I gained a hyper fixation on food and cooking and watching other people cook and eat. 

        ⁃       How can we talk about anorexia without triggering others?

While I believe we should be considerate of others and their triggers it’s hard to even begin a discussion by being super censored. I don’t think we can have a conversation about anorexia or any other hard topic without being triggering to at least one person, and that can be really difficult but I don’t think there’s many ways to change that. 

Sophia

What I wish i knew is that none of this will matter and it’s so much more important to enjoy life than harp on your appearance or things you can’t change about yourself.

Right now I am having huge issues with eating. Just in general. Whenever I’m hungry I will go to make food and then I will get nauseous just smelling it or thinking about eating it. But usually I struggle with either binging or barely eating at all.

My mom and my boyfriend have been most important to my recovery. They were just the most understanding and patient. They listened the most. Also my friends were always amazing at listening.

What I wish people knew is that not all people who are anorexic WANT to look anorexic.

I absolutely love treating myself and taking care of myself, I think that is so important. I love doing long skin care routines and health routines when I have time. I have seen a difference in how I view myself when I give myself the divine treatment I deserve. Another huge thing is just actually looking at my body without clothes on often instead of avoiding that. That has been extremely helpful in allowing myself to become obsessed with my body and putting that image into my more than instagram models bodies ya know?

Still recovering. It’s an ongoing battle that I have excepted will probably stay with me forever. On my good days (weeks/ months) I just enjoy eating with the people I love without having to think about it. That’s the best thing if I’m being honest.

I think if there was a platform for people to just share their experiences very personally and openly that wouldn’t be triggering and would be very helpful.

I always hate when people try to force food at me. That always makes it worse. I’ve found that. Also when people try to invalidate my eating disorder because I do not appear to have one. Big girls can have them too!

Gigi

⁃ What is one thing you wish you could go back and say to yourself when you were at your lowest? 

that i will get through this and as hard as it is. food is fuel. you need it to survive. 

⁃ What is one thing you are still struggling with

the way i see myself in the mirror

⁃ Who was your biggest support system through your eating disorder recovery?

definitely other people with the same problem as me pushing me through it and my friends worrying about me.

⁃ What is one thing that is not spoken about enough about anorexia?

that you need to be motivated to recover. even though everyone else around you wants you to recover and pushes u, u urself are the one thing that can get u through it. 

⁃ What is your favorite part of your life that you got back in recovery? 

my love for myself. also my energy i had no energy without feeding myself. i got my love and my energy back.

⁃ Who keeps you inspired in recovery? 

everyone around me who is healthy and still checks on me every day. 

⁃ What signs should people look for in a loved one who may be struggling with anorexia? 

look for a loss of energy and self esteem those are two major things that occur in almost everyone with anorexia.

⁃ What do you do when you feel a relapse may be coming? 

i remind myself that i love food and i love myself recovered and how low my energy got and how hard i worked to get here.

⁃ How can we talk about anorexia without triggering others?

talking about recovery and recovered people are a huge inspiration to people who are struggling.

⁃ What kinds of dialogue do you find triggering and unhelpful for those who are recovering? 

mentioning certain weights, the scale, mentioning certain body parts shrinking or growing. or telling people that the weight looks good on them. even tho they might have good intentions weight is a HUGE trigger for people and should not be mentioned.

Simon

I would tell myself to stay the course, it’s going to work out if you just put in the work.

I still struggle with not knowing what an upcoming meal is going to be.

Honestly, I don’t feel like I had much of a support system which definitely made everything harder. 

For self-care, I did a lot of reading. 

My favorite parts of recovery have been eating at my favorite restaurants, and the ability to go out with friends without worrying.

I’m inspired by thinking about how much happier I am now, and knowing that nothing is worth giving that up.

Not anorexia specifically, but I think a big sign people could’ve picked up from me was being very regimented about when I ate.

What keeps me inspired is to think about how much happier I am now, and try to remind myself that no one is working against me on this. There are people who love and will support me.

Comments about how “different you look” or about how much food another person is or isn’t eating. None of it is your business.

Maddie

What is one thing you wish you could go back and say to yourself when you were at your lowest?

I wish I could go back and tell myself it wasn’t worth it. I thought that somewhere in my eating disorder I would feel satisfied or like I had accomplished something. But that “perfection” doesn't exist so it was just an endless cycle. I also wish I could have told myself to get help earlier. I waited and waited to get help because I didn't think I was ‘sick’ enough and that it would be embarrassing to ask for help if I hadn't lost a certain amount of weight. Unhealthy eating patterns was just a shield against what I was going through emotionally, and I wish I could have gone back and told myself to be brave and work with those issues - but progress takes time!

What is one thing you are still struggling with?

I definitely still go through my times of restricting either because of stress, anxiety, or just old memories. It can be easy to fall into old patterns when you're overwhelmed so I am really careful to give myself the proper attention and relaxation I need. 

Who was your biggest support system through your eating disorder recovery?

I kept my eating disorder private for so long because I figured as soon as I told someone, I would lose my coping mechanism. My boyfriend at the time was so helpful. It was really nice to have someone just validate my feelings and be there for me. When I did reach out for help, I was so grateful that I had such a supportive family that really pushed me to get the help I needed and guided me when I didn't think I was going to recover. 

What is one thing that is not spoken about enough about eating disorders?

I think there are a lot of health issues that people don't think about when they think about the kinds of eating disorders that are portrayed in the media, but other than that, people do not talk about how damaging it can be for all of your relationships around you. I really regret the way I treated so many people when I was struggling. 

Can you describe some self-care habits that help you cope?

Throughout recovery, art and journaling has been absolutely amazing. Art really allows you to go into and explore a feeling without pushing it away. 

What is your favorite part of your life that you got back in recovery?

I really bonded with some of the closest people in my life over food and trying new things! Now, my friends and family and I make travel plans around food and consider it a type of nurturing and self love. 

Who keeps you inspired in recovery?

I would say mostly my best friends keep me inspired in recovery. It really upset me to see how much pain I caused while struggling myself. 

What signs should people look for in a loved one who may be struggling with an eating disorder?

I think people should look for signs of sensitivity around others' eating habits, aggravated or difficult decision making when talking about food, and avoiding vulnerable conversations. 

What do you do when you feel a relapse may be coming?

Like most things, a relapse can be slow and steady. Sometimes I'll notice little intrusive thoughts and then a small action a week later. I find that as soon as I can recognize a thought or feeling and sit with that thought or feeling, it can pass through like a storm. Blocking out feelings never worked for me, they only built up. 

How can we talk about eating disorders without triggering others?

Since eating disorders are so competitive, I think talking about specifics (numbers, ugw, etc) can be really triggering. I think instead, we should dig a little deeper into our feelings around our eating disorders, because I've noticed how much I have in common with people that way. 

Lily

- What is one thing you wish you could go back and say to yourself when you were at your lowest? 

What you’re doing to yourself is so pointless and taking care of yourself isn’t bad. You’re allowed to be happy and loved and healthy and the voice in your head genuinely doesn’t exist so you’re hurting yourself for no one. I guess that’s not one thing but yea. 

- What is one thing you are still struggling with?

When I feel a small relapse coming on, a part of me still encourages it so much without me even realizing it. So I guess just being aware of that, acknowledging the feelings, and dealing with them instead of accepting them and listening to them. 

- Who was your biggest support system through your eating disorder recovery?

A friend from school who I would text (I recovered over quarantine so I couldn’t see them in person) who was recovering at the same time as me and really understood every triumph and setback that I was going through. 

- What is one thing that is not spoken about enough about eating disorders?

How silently competitive they really are. I was lying to myself and everyone around me for years and part of my brain really was sick. I made so many decisions and said so many things I never would have otherwise. So I think that what isn’t spoken about enough is just how much it can impact you emotionally and socially along with mentally and physically. Also there is so much encouraging (negatively encouraging) material online that quietly sucks in so many vulnerable people, and urges toxic behaviors and mindsets. 

- Can you describe some self-care habits that help you cope? 

When I feel myself going into an overwhelming state of panic about food, body, behaviors, etc, I just sit down and breath in and out for a few minutes and try and let it pass instead of acting on my thoughts and letting it get to me. It’s so much more helpful than it sounds. I also try and surround myself with people who support me and have healthy habits. Sticking to a routine and trying to treat myself the way I would hope someone I love treats them. OOOOO yes that. I always think in my head, if I were X person who I love so much, how would I want them to treat themselves, I’m not any different, and I deserve just as much!

- What is your favorite part of your life that you got back in recovery? 

I have so much more freedom in every area of my life. I allow myself to be a much happier person, and instead of negative eating disordered thoughts (which can often take over for many people) I can think about regular things, and just let myself exist in the world happily. 

- Who keeps you inspired in recovery? 

Probobly my friends especially the ones who have been through similar things. I always picture how hard it would be for me to see them relapse, and so I try and push myself to be good for them. In a way I feel like some behaviors can be contagious, so I don’t want my own setbacks to hurt others around me. 

- What signs should people look for in a loved one who may be struggling with an eating disorder? 

I think sneakiness and trickery are definitely signs that people don’t think of a lot. Someone with an eating disorder will often be worried about “being caught” as if what they’re doing is wrong and they would get in trouble, or someone would get in the way of their mission to destroy themselves. If they have any change in behaviors or they way they talk about food/ themselves.

- What do you do when you feel a relapse may be coming? 

Sometimes I try and ride the wave of it because I know that I’m able to keep going with my recovery. Someone once told me relapse is the most important part of recovery because each time you can get past it it makes you so much stronger. So sometimes I’ll have relapsing thoughts for a few days or a week, and I’ll hear the thoughts and what my mind wants me to do, but I’ll continue with my healthy behaviors and habits. Forcing myself to stick to healthy routines makes them much harder to break. 

- How can we talk about eating disorders without triggering others?

I think the best thing is not to “boast” about how bad your experiences were and to not be too specific/ graphic. I think a lot of times people will speak about they’re recovery too soon and unintentionally trigger others because they’re still in that disordered mindset. In a way for many people part of that will always be in your head and it can be tempting to slip details about your experiences in order for people to understand what you went through, but it’s important to remeber that those details can be what triggers others. A lot of what enourgaed my eating disorders were recovery videos or people speaking about they’re experiences in such detail, and it was basically teaching me how to become worse in my behaviors. 

I guess that kinda answered both but that’s just what not to do, so what TO do would be to continue being super inviting and encouraging. When your in a bad place it’s so hard to understand that recovery really is an option, a good option, and a worthy option. For a lot of people still struggling, the recovery process seems like a joke and unattainable, or something just not made for them. So I think seeing others my age and just like me recover and still lead happy beutiful lives is very inspirational. 

Adriana

- What is one thing you wish you could go back and say to yourself when you were at your lowest? 

        I wish I could tell my past self that I am worth so much more than my body. That food is not the enemy, and that there was nothing wrong with me. The media is so quick to deliver an impression that there is something wrong with us, yet something it doesn’t express is that there is beauty in difference. Before I decided to commit to recovery, I thought I had to work to get to my smallest point in order to feel true happiness. However, that was definitely not the case, and I have learned that there are so many areas in my life where I should focus on instead. I actively work towards building better relationships, a better environment, and overall a higher mindset. With that, it surprisingly feels a whole lot better to focus on fueling my body properly every day, and work on getting stronger (both physically and mentally) rather than smaller. With recovery comes hardships, just like any shift in lifestyle, however so does empowerment. I wish I could show my old self how working towards my well being every day has contributed to my mood, my friendships, opportunities, energy levels, and  my overall ability to take on anything. Although the road is not perfect, recovery really is the best thing I could have chosen for myself in the long run. 

- What is one thing you are still struggling with?

        Body image has been a huge challenge that I unfortunately still struggle with. It is fairly easy to compare oneself, and it is something most people unfortunately struggle with. It is hard to not notice these natural changes in my body, not only because of recovery, but because I am growing into a grown woman. It is a transition we all go through, however, it can be challenging to understand that we are constantly growing and changing. Going forward, I have coped with this by shifting my focus to the positives I have gained, and by reminding myself that body dysmorphia is a real thing that exists within us. As I have found myself comparing myself to what I looked like one or two years ago, I made myself the promise to try and recognize how much I have improved. That is, allowing myself to go out with friends and really share moments with my family; as one may not realize that consumption of an eating disorder does pull you away from those times that are so precious in life. There are so many days that I forget how much happier I am now, knowing that is okay. Deep down I know that I have chosen well, chosen what resonates with my success. Recovery does not mean misery: that is something I have noticed we all misinterpret. On a deeper level, recovery is retrieving your life back: having a natural glow, developing your personality, even having the brain energy to do the things you never thought you could before. These are the things I strive to remind myself whenever I have a poor body image day (which we all experience from time to time). Separating my ED voice from my thoughts has helped that body image as well. In the end, I can confidently tell you that we are not our eating disorder, and you are 100% capable of gaining your life back. 

-Who keeps you inspired in recovery?

        There are many people who contribute to my determination to recover. However, the top people who help me the most are my best friend, and my therapist. It is so important to surround yourself with people who genuinely support your every step while still giving you that push when you feel unmotivated. As for my best friend, Gigi, she is always ready to support me whenever I feel down about this whole process. She is not one to judge, and validates every one of my feelings: good or bad. This may seem so small, but she is one of the little people who will go get a fear food with me, stay on the phone if I need company, and really sit down to bring my back to reality. She knows how to hype me up and make me feel beautiful, and also has known me long enough to recognize my wins with me. Which in my opinion, is so incredibly crucial to have when recovering. My therapist on the other hand, is expectedly someone who does help as well. For anyone entering the recovery process, I highly recommend (if accessible) seeing specialist who is fully educated in this realm. She has worked with me every step of the way, aiding my setbacks and supporting me with any steps I have had to take. I have built a unique relationship with her, which is so comforting to have. Believing anyone could use therapy, mine has taught me more than I ever thought. She points out details in my life that I never would have thought to examine. Meaning, any occurrences that may have caused a behavior/ setback. Having her has been so incredibly contributing to my recovery and I could not recommend a therapist or even a dietitian enough. Professional guidance has you close to confident throughout the process and that is so crucial for the best success!

- What do you do when you feel a relapse may be coming?

        I have dealt with small relapses before. And they are not fun. I acknowledge it feels like you are back in square one and there is no point in trying anymore. However, that is never a good solution. I love to journal on why I feel like restricting, as putting it on paper makes me realize how that is not the clear solution. It is going back to the root problem- am I feeling stressed? Am I mad at someone? Is it my own head telling me I am unworthy for some reason? I like to take care of myself the most in these moments. It is so simple, however, getting my favorite food, my nails done, hanging out with my best friends, taking a bath, or even just texting my therapist. All these things (and more) bring me back to the little joys in life; those that make recovery so worth it. I remind myself of how far I have come in my healing, and that getting back up will benefit me not only right now, but when I am older. My health is so important to me, and moving along with recovery is what is going to get me good health in the future- never want to jeopardize that. It is normal to come across relapse in recovery, but we can look at it in a way to come back stronger, and not a reason to give up.

Emma

-  I think something that really isn’t spoken about when you have an eating disorder is the effect it has on not just your physical health, but your mental health, particularly mood. When I was at my lowest I was so moody, and isolated and wasn’t being a good person to the people around me. I truly think a big part of my personality and charisma was taken by my eating disorder, obviously as I recover and heal my relationship with food it comes back but when I do start slipping back into old habits I see myself becoming that person again and it’s honestly a motivator to not fall back into those habits because I don’t want to be the type of person who’s rude to the people around them. 

- For signs to look in others I think chewing gum is a big one, starting to exercise a lot more, not wanting to eat in front of others etc. and a big thing for me that I still do struggle with is making decisions around food if that makes sense? Like if me and my friends are trying to decide on a place to eat I get really anxious and kind of withdrawn so that’s a big thing. I think it’s hard for the people around you to differentiate signs of an eating disorder with signs of trying to “glow up” or “have a healthier lifestyle” so I think it’s important to just be extra cautious and careful because you never know. 

- When I feel myself start to slip back into old habits I try to remind myself of all my progress and all of the work I’ve done. Also a big thing that happens for me is that I’ll go down a rabbit hole of looking at my body from when I’m at my lowest and feel envious and want to start restricting again, but when that feeling arises I just try to think about the person I was in that time and how I felt and that can usually snap myself out of it. Also this sounds kind of strange but going on walks helps a lot and sort of thanking my body in a way?? Like I’ll go walks and In my head I’ll think how lucky I am that my body is able to do this because maybe if I hadn’t recovered then I wouldn’t be strong enough. Obviously these things are easier said then done and maybe they won’t make you feel better right away but over time I find it helps. We need to remember that recovery isn’t static and it’s okay to have good and bad days. 

- Personally I find it really triggering when people do the classic “I haven’t eaten anything all day” or “yeah I’ve only had iced coffee” obviously they may not mean it to trigger people but because of the competitive nature of eating disorders it really does have an effect on me when I hear those things. Also, I think people just really need to get it through there heads that it’s really not okay to comment on peoples bodies, even if what you’re saying is meant to be positive. For example, growing up, people have always told me I looked strong and that has been one of my biggest insecurities and triggers. Also, even telling sometime that they look thin could cause them to Delve further into restriction/purging because they might think that “it’s working.” 

- One thing I really do struggle with still is the competitive nature of eating disorders, especially in friendships. I find that most girls my age have struggled with some sort of disordered eating or body image issues and because eating disorders are inherently competitive it can spark up internal or verbal dialogues of what everyone’s eaten that day, or if you’re working out and stuff like that. I think it’s a really slippery slope because you want to be able to confide and talk with your friends but also at the same time it’s important to know that not every conversation is going to be beneficial and that’s okay. Another thing I struggle with is body checking, honestly it’s like habit at this point and I really hope I can get to a place where I can stop but it’s almost like it’s an action that’s been engraved in me for the part 3 years. 

Rory

- What is one thing you wish you could go back and say to yourself when you were at your lowest? 

You looked dead. Restrictive eating is not sustainable or a source of happiness. Even though seeing the number on the scale go down might make you happy in the short term in the long run it is not worth it. Ruining your long term relationship with food and body is never worth it. Lying to friends and family makes relationships and mental health so much worse.

- What is one thing you are still struggling with?

I still have days where I restrict my food or eat “too much” and feel angry at myself. The though of purging my food still comes up but way less frequently which I am grateful for. 

- Who was your biggest support system through your eating disorder recovery?

My biggest support was spending time with my friends. Knowing they have gone through similar struggles but are in recovery motivates me to not slip back into my old habits. 

- What is one thing that is not spoken about enough about eating disorders?

I think there is a culture around throwing up after consuming alcoholic that is very toxic. I have heard friends that say “it makes me feel better”. Associating throwing up with feeling better is a horrible thing to do and you never know how that could cause a long term toxic relationship with forcing yourself to throw up. Throwing up should never be glamorized or encouraged when unnecessary. 

- What kinds of dialogue do you find triggering and unhelpful for those who are recovering?

People talking about how they skipped a meal or are trying a new diet is always triggering. Also in social contexts when people make jokes about throwing up because of drinking is very thoughtless. Even if it is a joke its not funny to mock bulimia and other eating disorders. 

Blake

I wish I could tell my past self that in a few months I’d be eating “junk” food at sleepovers with friends, eating lunch every day at school, feeling no food guilt, and my outfits wouldn’t revolve around the shape of my body anymore. At my lowest, I told myself that I would never restore my weight or heal my relationship to my body with food. I wish I could tell myself that I was fully capable of pulling myself out of that state and tell her how much I’m thriving now. My past self would be so proud of my current self.

There are days where I still struggle with my body image. Especially as a teenage girl, I take photos of myself almost every day that are stored on my phone forever. It can be hard to look at photos from last year and seeing the way that my body used to look. But, I also see how dead my eyes looked, how pale my face was, and how horrible my skin was. I romanticized how I looked back then- but in reality, I know that I now look healthier and prettier than I ever did when at my lowest weight.

My biggest support system through recovery was my childhood best friend and my journal. Although I had other systems such as my family, therapist, and doctors, these are the two things that motivated me the most to recover. I’m someone who’s never felt comfortable around adults. So naturally, I turned to someone my age and one of my passions, writing. Spending time with my childhood best friend was a breath of fresh air because I knew I could fully trust her without triggering her. Although she didn’t relate to my struggles, she was extremely understanding and played a major role in my journey to food freedom. I used journaling as an outlet to track my progress and document both my good and bad days. Looking back on these journals is extremely empowering and motivating to me. I couldn’t have done it without these two support systems.

One thing not spoken enough about anorexia is how it’s not only body-oriented. Personally, my eating disorder started as trying to change my body and eventually turned into a coping mechanism when my life felt out of control. I felt a sense of satisfaction when I was hungry and became addicted to the feeling. It eventually became much more than trying to lose weight. Anorexia is also not a weight disorder. There is no “look” to anorexia. You can struggle with eating and be at a healthy weight, overweight, or underweight. You can never not be “sick enough” to recover.

My favorite part of my life that I got back was my social life. Pre-recovery I missed out on so many opportunities that I was afraid of just because of my eating disorder. Now I can accept plans to go to restaurants, eat snacks with friends, go out every weekend, and have enough energy to make it through every day.

There is a wide range of signs that could be early indicators of anorexia. Some more obvious ones are limiting food intake, refusing to eat “unhealthy” foods, and/or rapid weight loss. But, there are many others that are very common: developing a random obsession for cooking/baking, always looking at yourself in the mirror/“body-checking”, eating the same foods over and over again, abrupt mood changes, always feeling cold/dizzy, etc. 

When I feel a relapse may be coming, I have to remind myself of everything I’ve gained from recovery. I think about the memories and friends I’ve made, the new foods I’ve tried, and the confidence I’ve gained. I also think about how unhappy I was at my lowest point. I think about all of the health complications I experienced, people I worried, and how terrible I really looked and felt.

When talking about anorexia, it is very easy to trigger others who have struggled with disordered eating. One common mistake people make when in recovery is talking about specifics of their disorder. For example, how many calories they ate, how much weight they lost, or specific unhealthy tactics they used to lose weight. Because anorexia can be competitive, this usually causes people to compare their unhealthy eating habits as others which is extremely harmful to ones recovery. There is also an unspoken assumption that people with anorexia don’t struggle from other eating disorders, such as bulimia or binge eating disorder. I am particularly passionate about de-stigmatizing BED because it is often looked down upon in our society. When talking about anorexia, it is always important to keep in mind that anorexia often comes with purge and binge episodes as well and everybody’s experience with anorexia is different. 

In recovery, some of the most triggering statements I received were about my weight gain. I often heard “you look so much healthier” which to me, felt like an indication that I had gained a noticeable amount of weight and looked worse than I did before. I believe that you should never comment on anybody’s body no matter the circumstance, especially if that person is actively in recovery. It always does more harm than good.