- What is one thing you wish you could go back and say to yourself when you were at your lowest?
What you’re doing to yourself is so pointless and taking care of yourself isn’t bad. You’re allowed to be happy and loved and healthy and the voice in your head genuinely doesn’t exist so you’re hurting yourself for no one. I guess that’s not one thing but yea.
- What is one thing you are still struggling with?
When I feel a small relapse coming on, a part of me still encourages it so much without me even realizing it. So I guess just being aware of that, acknowledging the feelings, and dealing with them instead of accepting them and listening to them.
- Who was your biggest support system through your eating disorder recovery?
A friend from school who I would text (I recovered over quarantine so I couldn’t see them in person) who was recovering at the same time as me and really understood every triumph and setback that I was going through.
- What is one thing that is not spoken about enough about eating disorders?
How silently competitive they really are. I was lying to myself and everyone around me for years and part of my brain really was sick. I made so many decisions and said so many things I never would have otherwise. So I think that what isn’t spoken about enough is just how much it can impact you emotionally and socially along with mentally and physically. Also there is so much encouraging (negatively encouraging) material online that quietly sucks in so many vulnerable people, and urges toxic behaviors and mindsets.
- Can you describe some self-care habits that help you cope?
When I feel myself going into an overwhelming state of panic about food, body, behaviors, etc, I just sit down and breath in and out for a few minutes and try and let it pass instead of acting on my thoughts and letting it get to me. It’s so much more helpful than it sounds. I also try and surround myself with people who support me and have healthy habits. Sticking to a routine and trying to treat myself the way I would hope someone I love treats them. OOOOO yes that. I always think in my head, if I were X person who I love so much, how would I want them to treat themselves, I’m not any different, and I deserve just as much!
- What is your favorite part of your life that you got back in recovery?
I have so much more freedom in every area of my life. I allow myself to be a much happier person, and instead of negative eating disordered thoughts (which can often take over for many people) I can think about regular things, and just let myself exist in the world happily.
- Who keeps you inspired in recovery?
Probobly my friends especially the ones who have been through similar things. I always picture how hard it would be for me to see them relapse, and so I try and push myself to be good for them. In a way I feel like some behaviors can be contagious, so I don’t want my own setbacks to hurt others around me.
- What signs should people look for in a loved one who may be struggling with an eating disorder?
I think sneakiness and trickery are definitely signs that people don’t think of a lot. Someone with an eating disorder will often be worried about “being caught” as if what they’re doing is wrong and they would get in trouble, or someone would get in the way of their mission to destroy themselves. If they have any change in behaviors or they way they talk about food/ themselves.
- What do you do when you feel a relapse may be coming?
Sometimes I try and ride the wave of it because I know that I’m able to keep going with my recovery. Someone once told me relapse is the most important part of recovery because each time you can get past it it makes you so much stronger. So sometimes I’ll have relapsing thoughts for a few days or a week, and I’ll hear the thoughts and what my mind wants me to do, but I’ll continue with my healthy behaviors and habits. Forcing myself to stick to healthy routines makes them much harder to break.
- How can we talk about eating disorders without triggering others?
I think the best thing is not to “boast” about how bad your experiences were and to not be too specific/ graphic. I think a lot of times people will speak about they’re recovery too soon and unintentionally trigger others because they’re still in that disordered mindset. In a way for many people part of that will always be in your head and it can be tempting to slip details about your experiences in order for people to understand what you went through, but it’s important to remeber that those details can be what triggers others. A lot of what enourgaed my eating disorders were recovery videos or people speaking about they’re experiences in such detail, and it was basically teaching me how to become worse in my behaviors.
I guess that kinda answered both but that’s just what not to do, so what TO do would be to continue being super inviting and encouraging. When your in a bad place it’s so hard to understand that recovery really is an option, a good option, and a worthy option. For a lot of people still struggling, the recovery process seems like a joke and unattainable, or something just not made for them. So I think seeing others my age and just like me recover and still lead happy beutiful lives is very inspirational.